It's been a tough week... Last Tuesday morning my mother called me to tell me that my father had passed away at the hospital. My dad had been sick off and on for a number of years and we had a lot of close calls in the past, it really shouldn't have come as a shock when it happened but it did. This hospital stay wasn't supposed to be a big deal. I thought that everything was fine, so did my dad. We were all planning on him coming home on Tuesday morning.
The doctors don't know exactly what happened. It could have been any number of things that caused his death. I keep thinking of horrible scenarios as to what exactly happened. It also breaks my heart that it didn't happen peacefully in his bed with his family present. The doctors found him lying on the floor in his room that morning. They said they tried to do everything they could to help him, they also said that they didn't know what had happened. The only thing they knew for certain was that he had fallen and hit his head but as for the rest they couldn't be certain.
This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to face in my life...
I'm comforted by the fact that my dad isn't sick anymore, that he isn't in pain anymore, and that he can finally get some rest now because his sleep hasn't been restful in a long time. I know that lately my dad just looked so tired and weary, it's probably because he's such a fighter. He was so strong, stubborn and brave. He faced things in his life with a courage I can only hope to possess. In his life my dad served his country in Vietnam and faced the threat of death everyday. I don't know if I could do that. In the past twelve years he had cancer twice. In the last five years he had two heart attacks, throat cancer, a growing aneurysm, and countless issues with his breathing. In all of these problems my dad NEVER complained. He never let us know how afraid he was or how bad he hurt. Sometimes I wish he would have let us help him through things, that he would have leaned on us more BUT my dad was a soldier and soldiers don't complain. Soldiers take what's dealt to them and they handle it courage and dignity. My dad was as good of a soldier as I've ever known. I've had some bad ear infections in the last year and I have barely been able to take the pain of them. Everyday for the past few years were a struggle for him but he always had the courage to get up every morning and face the day.
That being said, I need to say that I am really, really, REALLY going to miss him. He was a great dad. I got very upset today at the funeral with the eulogy the minister did for my father. It wasn't even that it just wasn't good, it was that this judgmental little twat DISRESPECTED my father. First of all 90% of the eulogy (or we could just call it what it really was: a self righteous sermon) consisted of the minister/twat telling us why we need to accept Jesus Christ as our saviour... umm yeah thanks I got that memo a long time ago. The other part of his sermon consisted of talking about how he (preacher) wishes our dad told us kids that he loved us more and how after dad became an official Christian he didn't really cultivate his faith and how he still retained some of his "bad habits".
This is BULL SHIT. At most funerals they go as far as making people seem better than they were. You wouldn't need to do this with dad. All you would have to do is state facts. I can't even begin to describe to you what an incredible person David Culver was. If I could even be a fourth of the person my dad was then I would feel that I had a life well lived. I'm so angry right now... I'm even angrier because I was so consumed with anger over that douche bag preacher's service that I couldn't even properly say goodbye to my father. It would have been a little better if they had given us the opportunity to say something after the "eulogy" but they didn't. The only small consolation is that his military burial was really nice, he would have been really proud. . At least at that point he received some of the respect he deserved. If my dad was still here and it was someone else's funeral we were attending my dad would have been furious at the disrespect that the minister showed. He would have thought it was "a bunch of bologna"... he didn't really swear often, in fact he didn't even like it when we said "shut up" in front of them.
**I wrote this last Saturday immediately following the funeral. I have calmed down about things a little since then but I'm still really upset about stuff. When I get around to it/ actually feel up to it, I am going to write the eulogy I think my dad acutally deserved. I started going in a direction with this on Friday night and I intented on finishing it on Saturday but... then I got so upset over the funeral and got sidetracked in what I was writing that it turned into a rant about what happened. I am eventially going to write what I was intending to write when I started this post.**
The doctors don't know exactly what happened. It could have been any number of things that caused his death. I keep thinking of horrible scenarios as to what exactly happened. It also breaks my heart that it didn't happen peacefully in his bed with his family present. The doctors found him lying on the floor in his room that morning. They said they tried to do everything they could to help him, they also said that they didn't know what had happened. The only thing they knew for certain was that he had fallen and hit his head but as for the rest they couldn't be certain.
This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to face in my life...
I'm comforted by the fact that my dad isn't sick anymore, that he isn't in pain anymore, and that he can finally get some rest now because his sleep hasn't been restful in a long time. I know that lately my dad just looked so tired and weary, it's probably because he's such a fighter. He was so strong, stubborn and brave. He faced things in his life with a courage I can only hope to possess. In his life my dad served his country in Vietnam and faced the threat of death everyday. I don't know if I could do that. In the past twelve years he had cancer twice. In the last five years he had two heart attacks, throat cancer, a growing aneurysm, and countless issues with his breathing. In all of these problems my dad NEVER complained. He never let us know how afraid he was or how bad he hurt. Sometimes I wish he would have let us help him through things, that he would have leaned on us more BUT my dad was a soldier and soldiers don't complain. Soldiers take what's dealt to them and they handle it courage and dignity. My dad was as good of a soldier as I've ever known. I've had some bad ear infections in the last year and I have barely been able to take the pain of them. Everyday for the past few years were a struggle for him but he always had the courage to get up every morning and face the day.
That being said, I need to say that I am really, really, REALLY going to miss him. He was a great dad. I got very upset today at the funeral with the eulogy the minister did for my father. It wasn't even that it just wasn't good, it was that this judgmental little twat DISRESPECTED my father. First of all 90% of the eulogy (or we could just call it what it really was: a self righteous sermon) consisted of the minister/twat telling us why we need to accept Jesus Christ as our saviour... umm yeah thanks I got that memo a long time ago. The other part of his sermon consisted of talking about how he (preacher) wishes our dad told us kids that he loved us more and how after dad became an official Christian he didn't really cultivate his faith and how he still retained some of his "bad habits".
This is BULL SHIT. At most funerals they go as far as making people seem better than they were. You wouldn't need to do this with dad. All you would have to do is state facts. I can't even begin to describe to you what an incredible person David Culver was. If I could even be a fourth of the person my dad was then I would feel that I had a life well lived. I'm so angry right now... I'm even angrier because I was so consumed with anger over that douche bag preacher's service that I couldn't even properly say goodbye to my father. It would have been a little better if they had given us the opportunity to say something after the "eulogy" but they didn't. The only small consolation is that his military burial was really nice, he would have been really proud. . At least at that point he received some of the respect he deserved. If my dad was still here and it was someone else's funeral we were attending my dad would have been furious at the disrespect that the minister showed. He would have thought it was "a bunch of bologna"... he didn't really swear often, in fact he didn't even like it when we said "shut up" in front of them.
**I wrote this last Saturday immediately following the funeral. I have calmed down about things a little since then but I'm still really upset about stuff. When I get around to it/ actually feel up to it, I am going to write the eulogy I think my dad acutally deserved. I started going in a direction with this on Friday night and I intented on finishing it on Saturday but... then I got so upset over the funeral and got sidetracked in what I was writing that it turned into a rant about what happened. I am eventially going to write what I was intending to write when I started this post.**
Marissa, I am so sorry to hear about your father. I am even more sorry that a preacher was not able to focus on what was really important - the celebration of the life of one of God's children, and I am sorry that made you so upset. If you need a weekend to get away, you know we always have a futon with your name on it and would love to see you!! You and the rest of my family are in my prayers, you will get through this, and although things will never be the same, they can definitely get better from here. Love ya and miss ya girl!
ReplyDelete~J
I love your word choice of "twat" here. Nice touch that can only come from your mouth.
ReplyDeleteIn time, you will heal and you know I am always here to put a smile on your face.
Rissa,
ReplyDeleteGreat thoughts on your Dad. As someone who was at the funeral service, I can fully understand why you're upset....I do agree, the military service at the cemetery was very nicely done and your Dad would have been pleased. Uncle Dave was indeed a wonderful person and he will be missed by everyone who ever had the pleasure of knowing him.
Looking forward to your eulogy.